What Am I Doing? No Idea

I don’t have any ideas.

Like a lot of folks, I’m sheltering in place (in the house 24/7). I’m in a vulnerable group, over 60 (yeah, I admit it) and have an underlying health issue. So, I have all this time on my hands. I thought I’d spend it thinking deep thoughts and writing through the difficult situation I referred to in my last post. I also thought I might finally finish the revisions of my novel. I was already retired before the quarantine so I can sit in my comfortable home every day without negative consequences like not being able to eat or pay bills. But I’m not thinking at all. I flit from writing, reading, cooking, housework, paperwork…but I can’t focus on anything because I’m not thinking. About the only thing I seem to be able to do consistently is eat.

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Had this delivered

From November (NaNoWriMo) through to February I kept track of how much I was writing, reading about writing and learning about writing. I’m not doing that now. I’m not in the moment with anything. When I’m not mindlessly moving from distraction to distraction, I stare out the window without thinking. I have the TV on with the sound muted. Ordinarily, I would walk in nature to center myself. I’d like to go for a walk but, nope, can’t think about doing that either. I’m too afraid of who I’ll meet along the way.

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My desk looks like the inside of my head

Fortunately, I’ve talked to friends and family who feel the same way and I realize that my inability to concentrate is due to fear and anxiety, as is theirs. And that realization makes me angry. The pandemic scares me more than the scammer did. Obviously, lots of us feel the same way. Almost all the bloggers I follow here on WP have posted about the coronavirus. So, I’m frightened, anxious AND angry. On top of everything is the fact that I said I wouldn’t blog about the coronavirus or its effects but here I am…because I can’t think about anything else. I have no idea what else to talk about.

Stay well and healthy everyone. My prayers are for you all and your families.

 

12 thoughts on “What Am I Doing? No Idea

  1. WOW…..that take-out looked great!! What was it exactly?

    Seriously, it’s very hard to be creative when one’s attention, every minute of everyday, is being focused upon the one central question: Am I going to be one of the 100k -200k people who doesn’t get to the other side of COVID-19? Of course, there is no answer!

    So, order your take-out, Kat, and enjoy!! When this is over, we’ll team up to pursue a healthy weight loss regimen!

    Liked by 3 people

  2. It’s not a niche I follow in WP, “Pandemic Bloggers” — but we’re all affected. It’s affecting us. So we write about it.
    Those fries, that slaw — is it time for a midnight snack?

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Haha. I feel like it’s always time for a snack these days. Writing this post did help, though and there might be a poem coming. It’ll be time to garden soon too, Joey. That’ll be very good!

    Like

  4. Everyone is affected by the media-created hysteria. If I see one more “wash your hands” commercial from the CDC, I’m gonna scream.

    Are you not allowed out in your own yard? Getting out in the fresh air and sunlight is good for you. Stand on the ground barefooted. Re-connect with the planet.

    Have you got military in the streets?

    Liked by 2 people

  5. I think you speak for many of us Kat. Do what you feels good. I hope the gardening will help. I was able to get out the last couple of days and it was so good. I love clearing away the dead stuff and seeing what is being renewed in the garden. Mostly stay safe.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Hello there, I’m a bit late to the party but your post struck a chord 🙂 . I’ve experienced the same restless anxiety-energy and it’s frustrating and bewildering. One thing that has helped me immensely is a simple centering exercise in which I sit with a cup of tea or coffee and focus as closely as possible on whatever my senses are telling me – the scent of the tea, the sound of a nearby fan, the feeling of my sweater, the sound of birdsong from outside. It is also helpful to consciously let go of expectations of yourself and your writing for a set number of days. During that time, if you feel like writing, just try to get whatever words on paper you can while your attention holds, with no regard to editing or coherence. I hope either of these tricks may be helpful to you :D.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I often sit in front of my living room window while I have my morning coffee. I’m going to try your centering exercise next time. Thank you for the lovely suggestion, Marushka.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. The way you wrote “My desk looks like the inside of my head”…Hahaaaah LOL…It’s lookin great though…You truly have a good humour…Love:)Keep safe

    Like

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