A fellow blogger posted this painful but beautiful poem recently to her blog, Boomie Bol. Her poems are consistently powerful but this one resonated with me in timely and potent ways.
I’m hurting emotionally right now for reasons that aren’t relevant to this post except to say it’s my own damn fault. Turning the hurt into words on the page is the only thing that makes sense to me at the moment. I’m not even sure I’m turning the hurt into words because I can’t bear to write about the thing itself. I am writing, though. I’ve been working on my novel revisions almost every day. I’ve also been making comments on the WP blogs I follow and the writing community on Twitter as I normally do although nothing feels normal. At first, I thought I was doing it all because I was trying to keep negative thoughts at bay but that’s impossible. Then I read the Boomie Bol poem and thought to myself, That’s it. I don’t want to waste my misery. I said before in another post that I don’t write because I want to, I write because I must. So, if I must write it seems natural that I should use my misery to drive the process. I think it’s what many writers do.
I didn’t want to blog because it feels like exposing myself at my most vulnerable. But I committed to trying to post at least once a month and I take that commitment seriously. I can’t get past the distress so it was unavoidable that this post would reflect that. I’m not going to promote it the way I usually do by way of an email blast and social media. I don’t really care how many folks read it or how many “likes” I get this time. I have to write anyway, and the WordPress community has always been kind to me so why not. Thank you for being here with me. Thank you to Boomie Bol as usual, for the truth in your words.
This too shall pass…
Stop Along The Way 
Thank you so much for this honest post. And your optimistic view, and believe me it will pass.
I am right there with you but I remind myself that I have been through worse and survived this is just another curveball we will get past.
I genuinely hope things get better and that writing offers some sort of relief and outlet.
Sending hugs.
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Thank you my dear. It’s much appreciated.
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Writing is a natural relief from many traumas. Even Native Americans had something called “The Giveaway”. It’s always best to handle troublesome relations when they happen. Sometimes, that is not possible and we carry the trauma around with us. With the giveaway, you write down what hurts or scars, do not read it back and then burn it. It’s best to burn with smoldering sage but, a match or lighter will do. If you can’t burn it, shred it. If it still bothers you, write it, again and burn/shred, again…until you pull all of the hurt out of you.
The memory doesn’t go away, unless you suffer from dementia or alzheimers but, the point is to remove the hurt associated with the memory/trauma. I’ve done this many times. It’s work but, it is rewarding.
Things will settle. *hugs*
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Thank you for your words of encouragement and suggestion. I didn’t know about “The Giveaway”. I’ll sit with the idea.
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Thank you, boomiebol for your poem and thanks to Kat for sharing it.
I do some writing as part of a spiritual/ therapeutic practice based on dreams. Sometimes writing is the only way I can work my way down from the walking coma I inhabit all too much, to the rich depths of my feelings. Sometimes the tears that signal the break come as soon as I pick up a pen or touch a keyboard.
Kat, I encourage you to try to write through your hurt. Not to share, just as salve.
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Thank you, Elaine. I’ll try. Your writing is deep and rich, a testament to the work you do.
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I have had this post open for more than two weeks, unable to read it because I thought the title was Writing as a Slave and I was not down for more dark & heavy. My daughter asked me what salve is — omaword! Now having read it, I see your heaviness and darkness, and I must acknowledge that we all go through these times. I have found that even in writing fiction, my own issues will bubble up. I write what I need to, I edit, sometimes I store, sometimes I release, sometimes I delete. Only YOU can judge the level of vulnerability you’re willing to publish. Here’s the thing tho — every single time I write and let the feeling lead, I end up gleaning a gem of a phrase. So keep writing! I long ago stopped striving for likes or followers, I just came to enjoy the connection. The connection we feel with people here is real. Best wishes to you in your feelings, your writings, and most of all, finding mercy. Be kind to yourself.
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Thank you, Joey. As usual you feel me. “…my own issues will bubble up. I write what I need to, I edit, sometimes I store, sometimes I release, sometimes I delete.” Me too. Since I was a kid writing has been where I hang out to be with myself, if that makes sense. You’re right about WP. I feel more connected to some of the bloggers here than I do to some folks in my RL.
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Nice post. I’m new to Word Press and expressing myself through writing. I do enjoy the community and honesty. There are times that I run because I must. It gives me the chance to think through those things that occupy the recesses of my mind. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t. Regardless I feel the burden is lifted, the salve is applied. Keep writing. Share if you feel like it.
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Welcome to the WordPress community Denny and thank you. I look forward to reading anything you want to share as well.
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